meditation...no brain dump

Today started off like most days - coffee, breakfast, alone time, frantically trying to pull material for this week's blog post. I'm hoping to write about SAD - or season affective disorder. This may potentially change, but as of right now this is the plan. 

While sitting in front of my laptop looking for material, I realize what I most need is a little undoing. I need to step away and meditate. Great idea!

So, I go to my favorite spot, set my meditation timer and start...

But then things go a little something like this: okay, settle, breathe, start counting 1 for breath in, 2 for breath out...repeat. Oh, but I haven't thought enough about the topic I'm going to write about this week. I certainly have had my fair share of SAD over the years. But remember that one year when you first started meditating in January? Was that a bad winter? You had an 8 week rigorous meditation schedule and that kinda helped, no? January, January...that's when my brother slipped on ice and nearly broke his knee...right right...oh and my brother in law had a similar injury to his wrist though a few years after...damn snow...I really don't like winter...but my kids do..they love snow. But there there's all that shoveling...thank god I don't do it. My poor husband's back must kill him...our driveway is so damn long...breathe, 1 deep breath in....2 deep breath out. Fuck, what is going on? I just want to sit here and clear my head for a bit....

Then....silence. 

Meditation isn't necessarily about being able to clear your mind of all thoughts. Well perhaps some forms of mediation, but the one I generally practice is the one where I don't attach to thoughts...I notice them but just let them glide by without hooking a story on to them.

But today I was able to go to that place...the place where nothingness exists and where I feel a deep rest and restoration take place in even the few minutes of non thinking. 

I'm no stranger to meditation. I've been practicing on and off since 2002. I know how to go to the place that rips me away from the constant chatter in my mind and allows me to just exist if only for a brief moment...but it takes time and patience and and it takes letting go...and on some very lucky days, this happens...